When I was working and raising my boys I was busy all the time. Trying to make it to work and do a 150% rather than 100%. To be the best in the field I had chosen and make the most money I could. To be the best mother I could be. Which in my case meant making time when the boys were little to put my butt into therapy to figure out how to be a better me so that they could have the best mom I could be. Taking care of others in my life that needed me.
Then it happens you reliase that over 35 years have past and you don't remember a lot of what went on. You were not mindful in some of those moments. Oh I have plenty of memories that's not what I'm talking about. It's the moments in life when changes occur. The big ah ha moments when you change as a human. Most of the time as we are on the train of life those moments go by swiftly and we don't always notice the moment we made a momentous decision that changed our life. Then you're down a different road and you start to realize things have changed.
I'm out of work. My life has slowed down enough to where I'm now confronted with some life changes and decisions that I need to make. This time though is different because I'm not busy and I have the time to reflect on how many times this has happened and perhaps I'll see why it's happened. It's a different way of making a decision. To really analyze a situation and not jump to the first solution. To try to see the bigger picture knowing that not all is revealed as we go through this life. There are some things we only get to see in hind sight.
I've also realized that there are very few decisions made in my life that I haven't made based on how it will affect my kids. I now realize that they are grown and I have to start making decisions based on "what works for me". (Got that from the Judds show on Oprah thanks Op). So I sit here in the dark trying to break my life into segments and look at it from a higher level. As if I was way up looking down at my life. Maybe if I take a bit of time I'll figure out what I really want. Then a decision will be easy.
As most mom's know over the years you forget to think of yourself and your spouse. It's all about the kids then one day you realize that it's now gone full circle and you must start being present in your own life for yourself.
I'm not sure where this will all take me, but I know for sure that whatever choices I make will at the very least have been well thought out. We must always look at what did work and more importantly what did not work in order to make a better choice.
I need to sleep on all of this......
Much Love
Sharon
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