Battle Of The Fat

I have been battling the great battle of the bulge for years, more than three decades.  The bulge won and I find a round very round person looking back at me in the mirror.  It's funny because I'm always surprised.  The person I am inside is not the person looking back at me.

I am a woman driven by ego.  So how does someone driven by their ego get like this?  Well they stop caring about themselves.  It's not like you decide I won't like me today.  Over time as a person accepts things they don't want.  Accepting a lifestyle they don't want.  Accept people speaking to you in a bad way it just happens.  Over time it's like a mountain with the water running in a constant drip.  That water starts to create a pathway.   Negativity is just as powerful as positivity. 

Over the years I decided that I was not important and everyone else was.  I don't regret making my kids first because they are my life.  I do however regret letting my body and health go because in the end they are now worried about me.  It's a vicious cycle.

I don't take well to nagging.  One of my boys has been at me for a long time to lose weight.  I was able to justify why I didn't want to exercise when he nagged.  Today was different that boy just opened up all his knowledge of me and gave me no out.  He came at me from a place of love and caring.   That was my undoing.  He became to me what I had always been to him.  In other words he flipped the script.  When he was growing up I never gave him a way out.  Now I find he's learned the lesson's I've taught him. 

All of my son's are bothered by how unwell I am and so I will try.  This time I'm doing it for me.   I want to wake up 30 years from now and be excited about their lives.  I want to be a part of their lives for as long as I can.  I have amazing kids and I want to see in person how well they all do.  I know they will all be successful.  I can see beyond what the world see's into their souls.  I have 4 boys that are all so tough but who inside allow themselves to love me as much as I love them.

I'm very lucky to have people who love me so much and believe in me.  So with a lot of trepidation I will start the journey.

I will blog about it and hope that someone will read it and know that it only takes "one step at a time".  That came from my wise son.

I pray that I can be up to the task.

Much love.

Sharon